I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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