He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
