I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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