My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
