All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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