I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
