i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
