I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
