I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Randomize
