We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
