You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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