wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
