im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
