I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
