We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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