Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
we have officially lost it.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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