I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
