He kissed a someone with a penis
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize