hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
