From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
