dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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