your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
