Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
