Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
