remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
