Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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