just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
