I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
