ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The best revenge is premature balding
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
