Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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