dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize