what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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