This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
