Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
