At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
