Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
