dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
