Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
im calling her cock vulture from now on
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
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