Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
When are your genitals available?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
