haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
