I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
