I'm going to jail i love you
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
