we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
