I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
