In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The air was thick with penises
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
