I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
