oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
