I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
