My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
