When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
