Just cropdusted the office
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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