Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
