sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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