I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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