Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
