ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
