i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
