I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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