I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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