i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
