In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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