Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
