Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I have aggressive nipples.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
