Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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