using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
