So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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