Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
